Unworthy....

So...it has definitely been awhile, friends---sorry once again for my short comings as a blogger. But please know how thankful I am for every person who has invested in praying for me during this journey....I am blown away by your love.

Lots has happened in my world since I last wrote--So there could be a few blogs back to back in order to fill you all in :) Bear with me please....

The Lord's grace honestly blows me away--you know how some days it just hits you how undeserving you are of it? That has happened to me repeatedly in the past few weeks....If you haven't heard a few weeks ago I had what could have been a very serious car accident. I was driving down the motorway (interstate for the americans) when a truck came into my lane

and made me lose control. I flipped onto the side of my car and slid across four lanes of traffic during rush hour and no one touched me. Two guys who witnessed it looked amazed that I was ok---they asked how, and I simply said......my Father.

Since that happened I have seen numerous car accidents that didn't end so well---and I realize that mine really shouldn't have. It truly was a miracle that I walked away without a scratch, let alone something else. And I kept asking myself why---Why did God protect me the way He did? Because believe me, I am so undeserving.

It makes you stop and think---what is my purpose here? And convicted me of the fact that many days go by when I feel like I make little or no difference in the world, yet for some reason He has decided to keep me here for this time. Maybe as a wake up call to live each day with purpose, to not get caught up in the momentary trials or frustrations, but instead to fix my eyes on Jesus--the Author and Perfecter of my faith.

He blows my mind.......I mean how many times do I neglect to spend time with Him? or willfully sin? Neglect to read the Word or share His love with others? Yet.....He is ALWAYS faithful--what unconditional love. I cannot even begin to comprehend. I pray that today the love of Jesus will transform my life---from the person I am to the person He created me to be----I am learning that I cannot do that in my own strength--it is impossible. Yet in my weakness, He radiates His strength.

In His Time....

First of all---Thank you all SO much for your prayers! I can feel each of them, and I am so thankful to have such amazing prayer warriors in my life! Second--I am SO sorry that I've been horrible at updating my blog! Life has been pretty crazy! Last time I was here I had internet one day a week (which at the time I found very annoying)...so I could set aside that day to respond to e-mails, write blogs, skype, etc. Now I have internet whenever I want, but not a lot of time to communicate! Anyways---now to the good stuff :)

Jo'burg is beginning to feel a little more like home everyday....driving on the wrong side of the road in the wrong side of the car is becoming a bit more normal--the manual driving is slowly getting to be normal (I only stall out about once a week now--haha)--I can actually get places without a GPS--I'm learning to call things by the correct words, I can find things in the grocery store :) All very big achievements when you move to a new place!

I'm also so thankful for wonderful friendships--both with people I knew before, as well as new people that I have just met :) God knows exactly who you need in your life at the right time...

The school is wonderful...absolutely crazy..but wonderful! I have a class of 23 1st graders, which is an experience in any school, but especially with these kids...We are slowly beginning to understand and learn more about each other...Although they are a challenge at moments, even more than that they are a blessing to me. It will be close to the end of the day and I'm thinking--"wow, I did such a horrible job today. I yelled way too much..I got upset about silly things.." and then when it's time to leave all of the kids will line up to give me a hug and tell my bye. It literally brings tears to my eyes some days. I am so thankful that for some reason God has given me the opportunity to be in their lives and show them that someone truly does care for them--but more importantly that they have a Heavenly Father who cares for them.

We only have about 4 or 5 weeks left of school for the year--time flies!!! Which means our children will go home for about a month. Our kids come from very difficult lives....they see things that no one, especially children their age should ever have to see. They experience things that I cannot even imagine. Please begin praying for them now--that God would place His protective hand over them--emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Pray that He will intercede in their lives and in the lives of their families.

Love and Miss you all so much! Thank you for your support, encouragement, letters, emails, and prayers! You have no idea how appreciated they are :) I promise to update again soon!!!

He will sustain..

I've almost reached the one week mark, and oh my it has been crazy. I am so happy to be here...I know I am exactly where the Lord wants me to be; however, that doesn't take away the fact that there are challenges.

Adjusting after jet-lag, a new home, a new manual car (on the wrong side of the road), driving in a place I don't know, getting lost, car alarms, relationships, the list goes on and on.....

My Father is teaching me that this journey is me and Him. He is the one that will sustain me---He is the one I go to with my troubles, my frustrations, my anxiety, and every other emotion that hits me during the day.

This journey is so much bigger than me--He is writing a story, and I am simply allowed to be a part of it. The fact that He is all I need is something that I am experiencing completely for the first time. I am thankful for sweet friendships that He has given me--to encourage me and challenge me----but there is no better comfort than the loving arms of my Father.

Tomorrow I officially start working at the school! yay :) I'm very excited--I will be teaching first grade--it shall be interesting :)

Thank you for all the prayers! Please continue to lift me up....it is greatly appreciated :) Please pray that the Lord will give me strength and wisdom in different situations...pray that I will be able to show the love of Jesus to my kids everyday...

Almost There...

It is crazy to think that this time next week I will be asleep, half-way around the world, in my home for the next 14 months. Time has literally flown--it seems like only yesterday my countdown was at 80 days and I was applying for a visa. Here I am now just days away (I leave Monday and arrive Tuesday) from embarking on this new and exciting journey! So many things excite me--seeing the faces of those sweet kids, reconnecting with friends, making new ones, and so many other things. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me.

I sit here and think about all that has happened in the past few months to make this all possible, and I realize that without a doubt, that without God working through circumstances and the people in my life, Monday would not be happening. I am so thankful for each person in my life--the encouragement that has been given, the prayers that are being lifted up, the love that has been expressed in countless ways..I am unworthy. Plus, I have the worlds most amazing parents who support me completely in every decision I make and in every direction that God calls me---I am a blessed girl :)

I also want to say thank you to my sweet friends in South Africa---ever question I have had has been answered, every need has been met, you have all volunteered to help in whatever way possible---and I'm not even there yet. Please know how much your love and encouragement means to me as I begin this journey....I can't wait to see you all and begin building on old friendships and starting new ones!

So basically---thank you(I can't say that enough) to everyone who is reading this--every person in my life has played a part in this journey being possible. Thank you for loving me and supporting me--It is such a bittersweet moment--The excitement of seeing sweet friends and starting a new journey, coupled with the sadness of saying goodbye to my family and friends at home for 14 months.

I cannot wait to see all that the Lord is going to do! Thank you again for your prayers--I feel them right now :)

Information

So thankful for last night...the encouragement and support of fellow believers is so encouraging....For those of you who were desiring this....here is some info...

Veronica (principal of Aurora) veronicaw@auroraprimaryschool.com

My parents e-mail--wsbrowning02@mediacombb.net

Thanks for your support!!

A good day....

How many times does this phrase come up in conversation?--Did you have a good day??

I use it very often....lately I have thought about what I define as a "good day"...what makes me respond yes to this question instead of no? Usually when I respond yes, it is because of many selfish things. I had a good day because--I got what I wanted, or somebody made me happy by doing something for me, things went my way today, or I did something that I enjoy. Wow....how many times do I refer to myself in those statements.....way too much if you think about it.

As a believer, I should define a "good day" by much higher standards---have I accomplished God's will for me today, spent time in His word, spent time ministering and praying for His people, have I shown the attributes of the Spirit, have I loved like He loves....

Today, my outlook on a "good day" has changed...I have realized that if I am truly a believer who is following hard after Christ, my day will be good whenever His purpose has been accomplished....not when my selfish desires have been met.....

1 year....

1 year ago this weekend, I started a journey. A journey to South Africa for the first time, a journey to explore the path which I feel I've been called to. It honestly seems like a lifetime ago...so much has changed in my life....there have been moments that have seemed like chaos, but I know each moment was written long ago..It has been a year of first, a year of hellos, and a year of goodbyes.....

The first time I lived out of the country long-term, the first (and second) time I stayed for 24 hours in a sketch hotel in Morocco, the first time I saw a hippo, first time I walked a tiger, first time I was truly humbled by God, the first time to have stitches, the first time I felt out of control, the first time I decided to truly trust....

I said hello to a lot of amazing people. I met a lady named Veronica and the wonderful kids at Aurora, who I will be working with again very soon! I met two amazing roommates who will never truly know the impact they have had on my life, an amazing church family who took us as their own, an amazing group of guys who took care of us and looked out for us like we had known them forever, precious girls who I continue to have amazing, encouraging chats with, and lately I have said hello to rebuilding old friendships...

However, I also said goodbye in a sense--I have grown apart from some people who I really cared for, I've said goodbye to the plan I had for my life, and also to control...

Looking back, it has truly been an amazing year--full of ups and downs, mountains and valleys, struggles and triumphs....I have learned so much--I learned to trust again, I've discovered that through God, I am enough...I have learned that I don't have to have all of the answers to my questions...or anyone else's.

I am so thankful for each day of the journey of this past year.....I'm excited to see what the next one holds...and unlike last year, I have no road map...let's see how it goes :)

Love is....

Sometimes it hits me how selfish and proud I can be....

Over the past few weeks, 1 Corinthians 13 keeps coming back to me. I open my bible and that's what page it's on, on the front of a journal someone gave me, in a book I'm reading--just to name a few.

And through this I have realized that I never really understood the whole meaning of that part of Scripture. I mean, most of us see it as something read at a wedding ceremony; however, I believe there is something much bigger to be considered here. As a believer, I am called to imitate Christ, and Christ exemplifies the true meaning of love. Which means I should be showing love to each person I come in contact with...but what does that really look like? It's easy to say I want to show love to those around me, but I believe that if I compare myself to this section of Scripture, I fail in comparison.

Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love, issues a challenge. He says to place your name where the word love is in 1 Corinthians....what a challenge..I realized just after the first line that I am no where near exemplifying Christ in this way...

Courtney is patient, Courtney is kind, Courtney is not jealous...

and those are just the first three....I see that this is impossible for me to do; however, I know that I have the very Spirit of the Living God dwelling within me...and through Him I can do the impossible...

Lord, help me to truly be love to the world around me........

but a vapor....

This week reality is setting in....the reality that in a little over 2 months I will be on a plane heading to Jo'burg, the reality that I will be on my own, the reality that I will be spending 5 days a week working with sweet children, the reality of letting go of my expectations....so many thoughts jumping through this mind..

A few days ago someone asked me if I was even a little sad....and the answer is..I do have my moments...I realize all the things I will miss getting to see..birthdays, Christmas, friends engagements--just to name a few..but then I am reminded that I am going to be living the dream that the Lord place on my heart 7 years ago. And that fact alone blows my mind....

In the past few days one thought keeps going through my mind....Serve Him while I am waiting...I can't just be living for October 10th...there is so much time between now and then that I should spend sharing the love of Christ...

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. James 4:13-14

not enough....

One word describes how I feel right now....overwhelmed..

Sometimes my mind blows up with lists of all the things I need to accomplish...getting ready for kids camp, starting papers, taking tests, visa applications, airplane tickets, etc.---even though the list of "plans" has been metaphorically thrown away....the to-do list carries on....

In the midst of this, I took a few minutes to read a few blogs and find some new ones to follow...(thanks to Angie Fogg who introduced me to kisses from katie..I'm now hooked too!)

As I began to read blogs from people I don't know who are accomplishing such amazing things for the Kingdom...my heart was so overjoyed...they are in the exact place that the Lord has called them..I wonder if they know what an impact they are making....

and then it hit me--why do I allow myself to get overwhelmed with the things of this world, instead of laying them moment by moment at the throne of my Father? He knows this story far better than I...

I want to do more....I want to make a difference...these were my thoughts as I read through these blogs....but then I realized---all of those statements center around me and what I want....and this life shouldn't be about me..

So now I am striving to simply pray that God would allow me to follow his road...no matter where it takes me and that I would be content with simply walking step by step on the path He has ordained for me...

not my own...

So…If you know me at all, you most likely know two things about my life—I’ve wanted to move to Africa since I was 15 years old, and I always have a plan.

A year ago at this time I was preparing to go to South Africa for the first time. God had opened the door for me to live my dream, for 5 months anyways, and I was beyond excited—that seems like years ago. So much in my life has changed and adapted over the past year….I honestly am a different person.

Since graduating high-school I have always had a plan…I knew where I was going to college a year before it was time, and I knew what I would study long before I arrived on campus. After college the plan was to go straight to seminary, hopefully meet someone, get married, and move to Africa working for the mission board. Well, as most of you know…..that is not what happened.

I instead took a semester off to move to South Africa, then when I came home decided to take online classes, and now, a year later, I am preparing to move back for over a year…on my own

My life doesn’t look anything like I thought it would 2 years ago, and I am so thankful for that. God has continually shown me that His ways are far better than my own. So what happens next? I have no idea….I know in about 3 months I’m getting on a plane to begin living a dream I have had for 7 years…to live in South Africa and have the opportunity to work with sweet children everyday…an opportunity that I am so unworthy of.

And for once…I do not have a plan. I have thrown it out. I don’t know what my life will look like a year from now; however, I know that no matter, I will be resting in the sweet will of my Father—whose plan is far better than my own. No more lists…no more following selfish ambitions…just me, trying daily to somehow grow closer to my Savior.